


One Step Closer To Feeling Fine

by sonicshambles



Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 00:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2793128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicshambles/pseuds/sonicshambles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Texting and emailing late at night are nothing new to Sam and Malcolm but one late night email leads to a day full of endings and new beginnings for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Step Closer To Feeling Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malana/gifts).



[02:20AM] Sam Cassidy (SC): Hi  
[02:21AM] Malcolm Tucker (MT): Are you alright?  
[02:21AM] SC: Are you awake?  
[02:22 AM] MT: No. I'm fucking sleep texting  
[02:23 AM] SC: Haha. Just being polite. Sending you an email It needs the Tucker touch  
[02:23 AM] MT: Isn't this backwards from how this usually works?  
[02:24 AM] SC: Isn't everything backwards now?  
[02:25 AM] MT: Don't start fucking crying Just send me the email

* * *

To: Malcolm Tucker (dontblamemenowthateverythingisfucked@gmail)  
From: Sam Cassidy (samacass25@gmail)  
Subject: Resignation Letter

Malc,  
I'm putting this on Ollie's desk tomorrow. I've been trying to write it since I got home and it's destroying me to be this nice when I just want to write Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you in red pen and throw it in his face. Thoughts?

S xx

Mr. Reeder,  
Please accept this letter as my formal resignation as your personal assistant. I am prepared to give four weeks notice instead of the customary two in order to help assist in the search and training of my replacement. While I appreciate your generous offer to let me remain in the position after your predecessor left I feel it is time for me to move on. My passion and drive towards what we do has been greatly diminished over the past month and there is probably someone out there more capable of performing my duties at the level they deserve than I now find myself.

I am putting this in writing to follow proper protocol but would like to meet with you in person at your earliest convenience to discuss the terms of my departure and the immediate next steps that need to be taken. I thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.

Respectfully,  
Sam Cassidy

* * *

[02:50 AM] MT: Don't you fucking dare end up unemployed because of this mess Find a job and then shove whatever letter you write straight up his arse  
[02:52 AM] SC: Have a job My sister's been trying to get me quit for years You know, Rose? The one I always laughed at cause she believed everything the Mail printed including the stuff about you Swallowed my pride and took her up on her standing offer to get me a job at her husband's law firm  
[03:25 AM] MT: You've got mail

* * *

From: Malcolm Tucker  
To: Sam Cassidy  
Re: Resignation Letter

I know what sort of letter you want me to write but since we've entered the fucking Twilight Zone I'll be backwards and tell you to give that cunt Reeder exactly what you wrote. You were the best fucking PA that party's ever seen and they better send you off with everything you ask for. Give them the Cassidy touch and just pretend you Tuckered them instead with the below.

M xxx

Dear Cunt Weasel,

Consider this my official Fuck You And Every Pathetic Curl On Your Pathetic Fucking Head. Every second of working for you has felt worse than being repeatedly stabbed while being forced to listen to that twat from Coldplay play the entire fucking score of Phantom of the Opera on a wee little keyboard. 

I wouldn't cry a single tear and give it to you if you were dying of thirst let alone answer one more of your calls. I do look forward to training the lobotomized idiot I find to replace me on what to do when your mother calls for the tenth time in the same fucking day asking for her precious little Ollie Wubbins. 

Go fuck yourself with a rusty nail while I sail off to the bigger, better life I deserve far away from this pile of shite you still call a party.

Respectfully,  
Sam Cassidy

* * *

[03:30 AM] SC: I miss you so much  
[03:30 AM] MT: Get some fucking sleep  
[03:31 AM] SC: Night xx  
[03:31 AM] MT: Night xx

* * *

Malcolm expected the call to be from his solicitor and answered on the first ring without even looking at the caller ID. No one called him these days minus his solicitor and sisters. It had been over a week since even a reporter had tried to get him on the phone. 

"Malc?"

He sat up when he heard Sam's voice. She sounded exhausted which didn't surprise him since it had only been eight hours since their last late night text but she also sounded weepy which did concern him. 

"Sam? Are you all right?"

"Is that going to be the first question you ask me every time we talk? Because that's not really fair when I'm not allowed to ask you the same without getting scolded."

The previous night was the latest in a long string of mostly sleepless nights and the exhaustion along with the stress of his impending trial had robbed him of what little patience he previously possessed.

"Sam, if you called to scold me I'm really not in the mood. And if you don't want me to ask if you're all right don't fucking sound like you're not all right."

Her response was a loud sigh followed by a long pause. It went on so long he finally asked, "Are you still there?"

"Sorry, was trying to work on sounding better. I just wanted you to know that I did such an amazing job of quitting I got sacked."

With fists tightened it was all he could do not to leap off his sofa and immediately hunt down Ollie Reeder for the beating of his life. "What the fuck did that spineless fucker do?"

There was another long pause. "If I"m being fair it was my fault. I got to the office early so I could print out my letter and sign it before anyone else got there. I printed out the one I emailed you last night and then I printed out your version just to have something to look at and laugh at if I needed to. But I was so tired that I stuck both in the envelope I put on Ollie's desk."

"Oh my Sam." He felt awful for her but it was hard not to laugh picturing Reeder's face when he read the second letter. "What happened next?"

He heard her take a deep breath before she answered. "He called me into this office and basically told me that clearly Tuckeritis, his word, was a contagious disease and it was best that I left the premises immediately before it spread further. I had enough time to clear my desk, hand in my ID, and was then escorted from the building. Of course Dan Miller was walking in as I was thrown out and actually stopped to say he was sorry things ended this way."

Malcolm's living room felt too quiet and empty as he sat there. This felt like being sacked all over again and all he could picture were the smug looks on Ollie and Dan's faces. His copious amounts of free time lately were split between preparing for his trial and doing some deep soul searching on what he'd done to deserve how things ended. He was convinced there was a turning point when doing everything he needed to do for the betterment and preservation of his party being the best use of all his time and energy instead became a soul sucking, waste of his time but he couldn't pinpoint when that point was. It was too easy to blame his first forced resignation at the hands of Steve Fleming or losing the election. Those were just minor obstacles to overcome and build from. The more honest he got with himself the slightly easier it to got to admit that everything from the start of the Tickel incident to its bitter end felt hollow and forced and that while sitting on is sofa and watching the hell that was daytime television was not where he wanted to be there was something refreshing about not going through the unappreciated motions at the office anymore. With all that said the one thing he was very sure of was that Sam never deserved to be dragged down with him. 

What no one ever understood or believed was that she hadn't done anything truly magical or extraordinary to last for years in a position her three immediate predecessors lasted less than a month in. She had simply shown up every day and expertly done everything asked of her with no complaints and few mistakes. That she seemingly found his particular brand of management style and his entire personality favorable was just a plus. He wasn't so egotistical to have a solid answer as to why she liked him so much but it hadn't matter when her smile and laugh were the only things that kept him from burning down the building some days. 

"Where are you?"

"Starbucks."

"Come over. You need something stronger than coffee."

* * *

Sam showed up an hour later and did a quick glance around for any hacks who might still be staking out Malcolm's house before she walked up and rang his bell. She would have arrived sooner but had gone home to wash her face and change out of her work clothes. She rang the door with a trembling hand and when Malcolm answered wearing jeans and a dark blue pullover she felt both better and just a tiny bit sad over how far they were from their past life. 

"I was beginning to think you got lost."

"Sorry, I decided to stop home first."

He gave her a long, lingering look and Sam felt her chest tighten a little. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to be in his physical presence and all the complicated feelings one unguarded look from him could cause in her. There'd been a spark of something more at the core of their relationship for years but they'd kept a respectable distance from it with only the occasional look or glancing touch that said more than either wanted to. 

"You look good."

Her shoulders slumped and she couldn't look at him. "I look like someone who got an hour of sleep and had a nightmare of a morning."

"Oh, Sam. Come here."

She walked right into his embrace and there was no telling how long they stood there with their arms wrapped tightly around each other. She stepped away first but only because she knew it was letting go then or never letting go at all. She smoothed the front of his shirt where she'd buried her face and looked around.

"Nice place."

"Thank you. I can give you a tour or we can head to the back. I've got a bottle of Scotch open that I heard tastes exceptionally good to the unemployed."

"I think we can skip the tour for the moment."

"Excellent choice."

* * *

It felt good to not be completely alone with his thoughts but it felt great to be around Sam again. She'd become such a necessary and cherished part of his daily routine but one he'd never realized how deeply he took for granted. In the moments when their conversation faded the silence felt familiar and comfortable. There had been too few moments at work when neither's phone was ringing and no one lurked at their doorways and even their too frequent late nights got quieter but not silent. This was probably the most peace either had ever felt in the presence of the other. She'd kicked her shoes off and curled up in one of the chairs across from his sofa. Everything about her looked so relaxed and comfortable that it made the room seem cozy in a way he never found it.

He was about to ask her if she wanted anything to eat when she asked a question of her own. "Is that really the Titanic special edition?"

Malcolm groaned and leaned back against the sofa cushions. "Fuck off with anything you're about to say."

Sam laughed and even though he stared at the ceiling he could feel her looking at him. "Malcolm, I'm not judging. Jack and Rose touched all our hearts."

"No, seriously, fuck off. The year that edition came out I ordered it for my sister for Christmas and those mindless fucks at Amazon sent her copy here and then when I tried to correct the order they sent a copy to her and another fucking copy here. I managed to give away one of the copies but the other just ended up on the shelf and there its sat for everyone to see and decide I'm some sort of raging Leo DiCuntrio fan."

She laughed in that way only she and Jamie ever laughed at his jokes. "Wrong. I know you're in it for Kate."

"Not with that sorry American accent she vomits out her mouth."

"So you have seen the movie?"

He finally looked over at her so she could receive the full force of his stare. "Of course I've seen the movie. Everyone's seen the movie. Babies born in the past decade are born having already seen the movie. If you die having not seen the movie they don't let you out of bloody purgatory until you do."

Sam was capable of a very powerful pleading look that she thankfully only used on the very rare occasion she wanted to take a longer than normal lunch break or a day off that hadn't been planned weeks in advance. It was turned on as he looked at her which is why he wasn't entirely surprised when she asked, "Can we watch it?"

"Have you lost your fucking mind?"

"Maybe? It's been a very long, strange day and it's barely noon."

"I suppose you think it's my punishment for getting you fired."

"Malc, you didn't-"

He stood up and headed towards the shelf above his television. "Do you want to watch the movie?"

The pleading look abruptly vanished and it froze him to see how sad she suddenly looked. "I didn't think you'd actually offer but actually, no. It's too sad. Don't laugh but that movie still makes me cry so hard...and I'm...I'm just done crying."

Malcolm sat back down and patted the cushion next to him. "Come over here."

There was so much he wanted to tell her about how sorry he was and how in a fair world she wouldn't have been touched by this at all. But she knew more than anyone how unfair he thought the world was and she needed words and guidance that might actually help. He watched her as she crossed the room and sat down beside him and it felt like taking her hand was the right thing to do so he did. She clasped his back so tightly it made his arm jump.

"I'm sorry today didn't go the way you planned but at least you're out of there, yeah? So you won't get a reference from Reeder. Having seen his primary school level writing skills in action you wouldn't want one. You're going to be all right. So much so that I'll stop asking."

* * *

From the moments their hands touched Sam felt pushed past the point of holding anything back from him anymore. She'd always been so careful with him and always did things his way. She could know the birth dates, likes, and dislikes of every member of his immediate family so that she could help him figure out the perfect gift every year, only buying it herself when his schedule wouldn't allow it, but she was never allowed to treat his birthday as something special. She was never allowed to treat his anything as special because they were too busy to ever stop and celebrate his accomplishments. As they sat she wondered if he'd really never figured out how special and important he was to her and not for any of the things others would celebrate him for when such a thing was allowed again but just for being him. 

Sam let go of his hand and squeezed his thigh, a gesture that made her heart beat faster, before she pulled her hands to her lap. She wanted to look at him as she spoke but found herself unable to look at anything but the carpet.

"It's not the job. I mean I am a little upset that I didn't get to walk out of their on my terms but I can't pretend there isn't a part of me that doesn't love that Ollie read your letter. It's that...Malcolm, I miss seeing you every day and I'm going to keep not seeing you every day and I hate that."

"Sam-"

She cut him off with a raised hand. "No. My turn. It's possible that years of working for you have driven me insane but it's killing me that I won't get emails from you in the middle of the night all the time and that we won't have coffee together in the morning and lunch and tea and that you won't be right next door calling for me all the time. And I'm...well I'm really starting to realize why I never really had a boyfriend longer than a few months but I don't care."

He had the look on his face he got when someone pushed him too close to being sentimental and she could see him try to cover it. "I thought you were seeing someone,what was his name, you know the one, with the face, sort of looked like Gary Barlow."

"His name was Ned, he looked nothing like Gary Barlow, and we broke up three months ago." Sam didn't tell him that their two month relationship was doomed because of Ned's fixation on her alleged fixation with her boss. 

"One of the ones you dated looked like Gary Barlow."

Sam sighed."You are completely trying to change the subject and it's really important to me that you understand what I'm trying to say. When that whole _thing_ with Steve Fleming happened it felt like the end of the world but then you came back and I just thought this whole time that that was it, that was the worst it was ever going to be. That was nothing. This is...I hate them all so much for what's been done to you. Do you know what it was like to sit in that room at the inquiry every day and hear _everything_ that happened? Everyone paraded in and out of that room and they should all be...they're all guilty of something. I don't think you're going to prison. I mean it's very important that you know that I do not think that you will actually go to prison but it's a fucking joke that there's even a possibility that you might. But you won't."

With their hands once more entwined she leaned sideways until she could rest her head on his shoulder. It felt like it should have felt awkward but it didn't.

"I'm going to miss seeing you every day too."

Her hand slip up his arm until their elbows were hooked. "You can still email me in the middle of the night. Any time you want."

"You know with the trial coming up, I might."

A weary tone weighed down his words and it was the most tired Sam had ever heard him including the night of the last election. "Good. I mean, not good but good."

Her head tilted up to look at him just as he turned his down towards her. Their faces were so close and Sam felt gripped by another now or never opportunity. She leaned in and lifted her head up until her lips could brush against his. She got two light, barely there kisses in before he leaned slightly back.

"Sam-"

All was still and silent until she raised the arm not pressed against him up to cup his face. "I know everything you're going to say and I'm still going to want to kiss you. If you want to kiss me back this is your chance."

* * *

There was a brief moment when he almost didn't kiss her back but Malcolm couldn't deny himself when it was something she also wanted. His lips found hers and any uncomfortable memories of the memos they had drafted together regarding proper MP behaviour towards PAs was forgotten. Her body pressed more tightly against his and he turned them until they were both sat sideways on the sofa with their torsos pressed together and his arms around her waist. Her arms encircled his neck and her fingernails lightly scrapped down the back of his head as their kiss deepened. He broke the kiss but followed it immediately with a shorter, softer one before his lips trailed a path down her neck. It was something he'd imagined doing so many times but didn't think he'd ever get to. Anytime he thought about it he'd talk himself out of it by reminding himself that she was too something: too young, too sweet, too uninterested (though he'd allow himself the indulgence of not rationalizing away every look she gave him), but mostly too much his employee. She was still young and sweet but the not at all subtle way she was trying to press them even closer together showed her interest and as unfortunate as the circumstances were she wasn't his PA anymore. One arm slid up her back and he tangled his fingers through her hair. Their mouths pressed together again and for a moment he wasn't the lowest he'd ever been but the luckiest man in the entire world. 

The next time they came up for air they also returned ever so slightly to reality. Sam pressed her forehead against his collarbone while the rest of her went limp against him. He held her there and waited for her to say something because this was one of the handful of times in his life he was somewhat at a loss for words. 

"I've wanted to do that for years."

Not that she ever believed him but Sam always had her own unique gift with words, often knowing how to take his mountains of text and turn them into something shorter and more sensible. She'd done it again with such a brief and obvious statement and instead of the stream or explaining away he wanted to do it helped him respond back with, "Me too."

Malcolm felt her press the side of her face against his chest and he pulled her in to more comfortably rest against him. "What now?"

So much of his life had been spent deciding between what he wanted to say and should say. He wanted to say that now he took her upstairs to do all sorts of other things he wanted to do for years but he could feel her exhaustion in the way she rested against him and it needed to be remembered that she'd been through a lot that day.

"Now I very reluctantly send you home to get some rest and I take a very cold shower." He shook his head even as he heard her laugh. "Shouldn't have said that last bit out loud. I'm not saying I'm going to ignore this but I think our timing might still be a wee bit off. You've got to prepare for your new job. I want that lucky cunt you're going to work for to realize what a fucking treasure he has from your first day just like I did. And well I've got to work on staying out of prison. We should see where this goes when our lives are more stable. I really want to fuck you but I don't want to just fuck you."

There were no words of protest from her but they both seemed reluctant to break apart and they found themselves kissing one more time just as it started to seem like Sam was ready to pull back. She moved her face closer to his instead and he offered no resistance. He all but had her pushed down along the sofa cushions by the time they stopped and this time she immediately stood. 

"I should probably go. Should I?"

"I really don't want to say this but you should. Get some sleep and we'll discuss this more soon."

He walked her to the door and hesitated on giving her a hug or kiss or both goodbye when she leaned in and whispered right against his ear, "Enjoy your shower." Her teeth grazed against his earlobe and he stood there dazed and enthralled as she departed.

* * *

Almost as soon as Sam arrived home she threw her clothes off and climbed into bed. The memory of Malcolm's lips and hands were still pressed all over her mouth and skin and it wasn't something she wanted to forget anytime soon. Leaving had been hard but she understood why he asked her to and she agreed that they owed it to themselves to take care of everything else first. Sam just hoped the taking care of things wouldn't take too long because she didn't know how long she could hold out. Even as she thought that her hand searched her nightstand for her phone.

[02:30 PM] SC: You're a really good kisser I wanted to tell you that  
[02:30 PM] MT: Same to you Why the fuck aren't you asleep?  
[02:30 PM] SC: Getting there I'm in bed right now  
[02:30 PM] SC: Naked  
[02:31 PM] MT: Fuck me that's cruel  
[02:31 PM] SC: So many ways I want to respond to that  
[02:31 PM] MT: Get some sleep I mean it I'm going to take that shower if you need anything to think about while you drift off  
[02:32 PM] SC: Think of me while you're in there xx  
[02:32 PM] MT: Sweet dreams xx

* * *

Soon enough it was time for Sam to start to her new job. She'd talked to Malcolm via phone or text almost every day but they hadn't seen each other in person since the day they kissed. He'd been busy working on a deal to stay out of prison and Sam had been busy working on a life that didn't revolve around him. As each day progressed she adjusted a little bit more to a daily life that wasn't On Behalf of Malcolm Tucker and she knew at some point this could lead to her romantic feelings for him fading. When it didn't she was more determined to take them to the next step.

[11:30 AM] SC: I've only had to write two emails for my boss all morning  
[11:30 AM] MT: Miss me, do you?  
[11:30 AM] SC: I haven't had to remove a single fuck from a single sentence since I started. Take that as you will.  
[11:31 AM] MT: Lawyers are sneakier fucks than even politicians. You're probably just missing them.  
[11:32 AM] SC: Probably. How's everything going?  
[11:34 AM] MT: Better but the light at the end of the tunnel is still duller than every word that ever came out of Julius Nicholson's mouth.  
[11:34 AM] SC: I miss your mouth.  
[11:34 AM] MT: It says a lot that I can be turned on by that when it came so fucking close to a mention of Sir Twatolson.  
[11:34 AM] SC: Taking that as a compliment. Have to run now. Minutes need to be taken.  
[11:34 AM] MT: Have an important meeting later will let you know how it goes. x

* * *

[04:30 PM] MT: Not going to prison. Have to write a formal fucking apology which is almost worse. Are you free later to help draft?

Sam literally leaped with joy when she read Malcolm's text which caused every head in the office to turn and stare at her. She gave them her best Tucker-esque stare back and ran to the ladies room which was thankfully empty. As she locked the door behind her she dialed Malcolm's number and beamed when he picked up on the first ring.

"Of course I'm free later. No prison? Really? I told you."

"Don't let your head get too big. It came close but the one functioning brain cell in the entire fucking judicial system finally realized even going to trial would be an expensive joke."

"Are they really making you apologize?"

"Yes which means I need that Cassidy charm to smooth out what I want to say. I'll email you what I have so far but I thought dinner and drinks would be nice to discuss the details."

"When and where?"

"7pm, my place."

"I'll see you then."

* * *

To: Samantha Cassidy (s.cassidy@wwwmgandpartners)  
From: Malcolm Tucker (malcolm.f.tucker@gmail)  
Subject: Apology Letter

Hope emailing you at work won't get you in trouble. Have a new email address of my own since it's time to figure out what to do next. I'm making pasta and salad and have more wine than is probably good for me so just bring yourself.

Malc x

To all those reading this please let this serve as my formal letter of apology. I have given my entire career to serving the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and during that time I have done many things that many others have seen as bad. I'm sorry that this government is led by such weak willed cunts and those wills are getting weaker by the day. Good men get hurt in any great battle and I've hurt some good men and women for the causes I believe in. Too many of today's leaders don't believe in a single fucking thing besides their own pathetic self and their records aren't so much spotless as bland, blander than a Leona Lewis album bland. I'm sorry that I didn't work harder to make better people leaders and that in trying to be the better person for them I ruined my own career and a precious few others who didn't deserve it.

You can take anything else you think I should apologize for out for a few cocktails and fuck it right through your dingy mattress for all I care.

Sincerely,  
Malcolm Tucker

From: Samantha Cassidy  
To: Malcolm Tucker  
Re: Apology Letter

I think it's perfect and I'm bringing dessert. Don't try to stop me.

S x

* * *

Many hours later as they tangled together in Malcolm's bed, still breathless and heated from having released several years of pent up desires, Sam's mind wandered back to the official reason she was there. 

"What sort of letter will you really write?"

"You don't think my first draft was real enough?"

Long fingers expertly rolled her already hard nipple between them as his mouth latched on to her other one. Sam groaned and arched her back in search for a closer that was impossible given how tightly they were already entwined.

"No it's good - it's - oh that's good - I just don't know if any paper will publish it. I think we need to be more subtle."

His mouth released with a pop and he grinned up at her. "I think I'm going to need a lot of help in the subtle department."

She pushed at the back of his head until he nestled it next to her's on the pillow. They kissed for several long moments before she responded. 

"Since I'm working now I can only help on evenings, early mornings, and weekends."

His teeth grazed her jaw line and the leg slung over his hip tightened its grip. "I hope your new boss doesn't start working you as hard as your old one did."

Sam rolled them over until she straddled him and smiled down at him. "No one could work me as hard as you, Malcolm." His hips rolled up and made her whole body shudder and she leaned down to kiss him in a way that made them both forget about talking for awhile.

* * *

When they finally started to fall asleep, spooned together with Malcolm pressed against Sam's back, he pulled her closer.

"This is so much fucking better than spending our nights together via our mobiles."

"Agreed. Night."

"Night, Sam."

He brushed his lips against the side of her face and thought of kissing her twice for real instead of through an x but she turned her head and they shared one long, lingering kiss that he still felt as he drifted off.

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the song is from the lyrics to Move In The Right Direction by Gossip.
> 
> Happy Yuletide! I had a really wonderful time writing in TTOI universe. I've been a fan of the show for years and it was a fun playground to play in, especially when it involves two of my favorite characters and one of my favorite pairings.
> 
> I also have to thank you because you inspired me to finally purchase The Missing DoSAC Files which were (hopefully) obviously a huge inspiration for this as well as something I've read front to back way too many times to admit.


End file.
